It takes my one of my favorite comics (a guy who made me want to do stand-up) George Carlin to explain why Football is the greatest thing created by the hands of  America!

Enjoy.

WORDS WRITTEN BY GOD HIMSELF!

In football, the object is for the quarterback, otherwise known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his recievers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy’s defensive line.

Okay, I’m gonna need a minute.

Oh and its freaking tennis! But it is in New York.

Althouh I love me some college football and have an undying affection to the greats sport in the world (WWE Wrestling) it took my man, former University of Miami linebacker and “The Most Electrifying Man In Sports Entertainment” Dwayne The Rock Johnson to convince me to rush the hell out of this office today and make damn sure the DVR is set for Miami v. Ohio State.

It only takes 30 seconds.

Don't catch a "People's Elbow"

Besides, she designed it herself. Her thoughts?

“This outfit was supposed to be about New York. It’s like bursts of fireworks.”

Fireworks indeed Lady…. Fireworks indeed.

So I’m going to start a new thing here on our site. Lets just go on trips down memory lane where fools get served.

I do remember when San Antonio Spurs’ David Robinson won the 1995 MVP and quickly had his ass handed to him by Hakeem “The Dream“ Olajuwon.

Sup Ladies?

And my new girlfriend is Oregon Ducks’ Mercedes Walters (I still love you too Lizzy Lambret) who decided to take some aggression out on Oklahoma State’s Kyndall Treadwell (who’s not that bad either).

If I want to see a girl fight...

Newark New Jersey is the scene for Junior-welterweight bout between Jeremy “Hollywood” Bryan vs. Daniel “Super Sweet” Mitchell. First of all boxing nick names kick so much ass. Anyway the first (and only) round brought a stop to the match with Mr. Super Sweet (awesome!) throws in his own town complain of an elbow to the right eye. After the round Sweet sat on the stool and carried on about his LEFT eye being injured.

“I can’t see shit!”

1:44 into the “fight” Mitchell is injured?

4:50 Eye injury moves from right to left.

God, I use to love boxing.

Oh, It gets "Top Shelf" at the U

After years and years of some of the worst (best) throw-downs to ever be witnessed by young college kids human eyes and livers, the University of Miami has decided to add  ”sober monitors” to go along with the events. This will work out fine.

cincinnatinews reports:

Fraternities and sororities at Miami University will have to hire security at all off-campus events this year and designate more “sober monitors” to keep things from getting out of control.

Those are among several rules to be imposed on Miami’s Greek community after three sororities were suspended last year for drunken behavior and destruction of property. That included wild parties at the National Underground Railroad Freedom Center in downtown Cincinnati and Lake Lyndsay Lodge in Butler County.

This does NOT sound like a situation The Rock would be proud of… At all.

The New Mexico Lobos soccer team has announced Tuesday that Elizabeth Lambert (the girl that just lost it and went absolutely bat shit crazy on BYU last year) has been reinstated after a lengthy suspension last year.

Lambert was expected to attend a news conference Tuesday with New Mexico head coach Kit Vela and New Mexico athletics director Paul Krebs, but she was a no show. The team has also closed their practices to the media. Lambert is expected to do interviews later in the season, but wants to move on from the incident and put focus on the team.

Chicks with pony-tails shiver at the thought.

Remember her “work” last year?